does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My hand turned me down
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
