I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
