You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
