ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
