thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
