just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
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I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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