i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
