he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i now understand why vodka
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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