I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
