I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
