i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
