And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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