Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
