she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
