Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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