i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
