when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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