this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
