well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
