maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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