who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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