wakey wakey hands off snakey
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
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I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
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I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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