saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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