I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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