What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
