Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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