Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
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No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
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You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize