do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
