i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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