A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
