I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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