I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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