with your own penis?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
