you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
