Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
