her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
