Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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