we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
