Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
