we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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