who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You are the jesus of drinking
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
