I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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