so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
