p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
