Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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