I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
