I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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