Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
