ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
