YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
