It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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