I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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