just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
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as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
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Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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