he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
