Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
