I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
