just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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