He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
