I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
