so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
zippers are such a cool invention
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
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