Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
