Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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