I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
