I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
