bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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