there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I touched a dick in church today
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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