just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
