Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
